Weathered by the extremes, I am now waiting happily for the ultimate end. Okay wait, What? It all started some days ago when I was down with a high fever, bedridden. And I asked myself this question.
Am I ready to die?
No, I was not. Doesn’t being perfect mean embracing the end, the ultimate end. Is there anything in this world that is beyond death? Yes, maybe the soul! If you think about it death is the ultimate realization in this world, right? Maybe if that is realized there would higher levels of realization beyond. Maybe death is a passage to the more advanced levels of transgression of the soul.
All of it I channelled into focused thought to understand the mysterious nature of death. To start with I contemplated upon my first encounter with death. It happened when I was 3 years old, when the seed coat of a peanut I was fumbling with entered my nostrils to get lodged in my lungs causing me to choke and gasp for life. My mother recalls the horror when I almost left her. But, I was not ready. So, the doctor managed to get the small piece out of my tract.
Then, again and again death came to me. Once in a cycle crash, thrice drowning me, once as an attempt on my own life. Everytime death comes, my breath leaves me (So, maybe breath is life). Most times death calls me lovingly with wide open arms full of warmth like when I sit on a bridge watching the water flow beneath me almost hypnotizingly weakening my body and causing me to topple over and drown in it. But, everytime I was afraid. I was afraid of death. Because I was not ready.
‘Life is a preparation for death.’
So, I began preparing. And it was easy because I was always preparing, unknowingly. I was weathered and softened like an eroded bedrock by the riffle of life. I reconciled quickly, conquered even the most turbid of hearts, calming everything with my receptiveness and love. But, there was a big hurdle. My ego. I thought very highly of myself. So, to flip things around, I created a new intention.
I am ordinary.
It changed me in just the first time I ever contemplated upon it. I became ordinary. Everything suddenly blossomed around me, everybody around me started to love me, I started to be free. I started to live finally. That was when I felt that I was ready to die. Because I was no longer afraid. And strangely enough I feel more alive than ever.